The Process

I went to a warm Yin Yoga class tonight. I had this craving to go a bit deeper with my healing and Yin is what presented in my mind. I love the low lights and warm air and deep, deep, deeper stretches and the surrender as you stay with each pose. I love how my mind goes to an exquisite place where my thoughts seem to echo from the sheer depth of placement. And time does not exist. 

When I got into Sphynx pose, the tears began to flow as images of my mom came into focus. I allowed it and stayed with my breath. She was always laughing, even when she couldn’t really talk anymore. Butterfly pose, brought me further tears and it was here where the voice inside gently whispered “the grief is embedded in your muscles”. It’s true, the mind body connection is very real, our posture and gate shifts as we carry more emotional pain. We protect our pain, like a wounded animal. Movement allows me to access the grief, movement invites the grief to show itself and flow through me instead of becoming stagnant. Emotional atrophy. I think the resistance is the wounded animal, afraid. Fear that the grief is the last connection with her here in this world, regardless of the fact that she’s no longer physically on this plain. 

Like seaweed in the warm pacific waters, I let myself float. I walked home through busy Friday night crowds around Granville street, with slightly smudged makeup and frizzy, oily unkempt hair. I was so deep in reflection, I didn’t see his face. I felt his energy and his gaze as he moved from the centre of the group and I heard his voice as we crossed paths on the crowded crosswalk…. “You’re really beautiful…”. I didn’t even look back, there was no need. An unconditional gift, offered and received. 

So much thanks <3

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